One Life

Lately I've been thinking. I've always been the type who is all about looking at choices... Choices in life. Til now, I've always been afraid to make the wrong choice. I liked to weigh my odds and think to myself, "Can I handle the outcomes of this?" Turns out, I usually spent all my time weighing odds and thinking about choices, instead of actually making them. Always a what if guy, what if I'm not supposed to make this choice or that. I feel, because of that, I might have missed out on some opportunities.

Recently, I found myself being faced with a bigger decision than ever before. I basically came to a crossroads in life. The kind of choice which said "Okay I'm going to live this life" or "Maybe thats just not the life for me." So, instead of sitting back and just thinking about it, I made a choice..."Maybe thats just not the life for me." I broke a heart in the process of all this. Two actually, the second I'm slowly trying to piece back together inside my own chest.

I think, what hurts the most is the memories. There are a lot of memories made in 5 years, both good and bad...but the good always blotted at the bad. Classes together, first kiss, proms, car accidents, basketball games, board games... the list really goes on and on. A frat guy from my college really said it best when I told him that her and I had been together for 5 years. "Wow. That is so f***in sweet. So what? You guys are going to get married, have kids, have a dog, and have a f***in white picket fence around your backyard? That is the most F***in adorable thing I've ever heard." So yeah, I must be completely insane to just give all that up right? It was basically a gut decision. I know I could end up being a 70 year old man looking back and thinking wow how did I let that one go, but I just figure, thats better than going through life wondering what if. You know? How could life have been different? or better?

Some choices are tough to make, unbearable even. But I guess that if a choice doesn't work out the way you would have wanted, the important thing is that you have friends and family there who will look at you the same way they always did.

And who knows, maybe our paths will meet again? I believe in second chances...

Bhoov