Dumpster Diving

This is the third and final piece of the story.  Make sure to read the previous two blogs before this one.

After rinsing off in the shower, I stripped off my pants and headed out to the common room where I threw them in the trash can.  I returned to the bathroom but then realized I was missing my phone.  I ran back out to the common room to find PP heading out the door to take out the trash.  I stopped him and carefully reached into the front pocket of the biohazard jeans, there it was.  I pulled out the blackberry, "Well that was close."

I finished cleaning up and joined my suitemates in the common room.  My punchline of the night was the title of the previous blog, "I had to throw out a pair of jeans."  I laughed out loud each time I repeated it.  What a wild night.  I was heading to bed when PP stopped me, "Maybe we should have just went to Trads."  I laughed, nodded, and went in my room.  After a night like that, I was out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

The next morning I awoke.  It felt like there was a bowling ball attached to my face that was accompanied by a slight head ache.  I sat up, looked at my phone, and then realized that I could not find my wallet.  I looked everywhere around the room.  Then the thought hit me, "The jeans!"  I opened the door to our room and sprinted to the trash room, fresh bags, no trash.  "Shit."  On my way back to the room I saw that there was one single trash bag sitting by itself against the one wall of the hallway.  It was one of those, "Could it be?" moments.  I knelt down beside the back and then ripped the bag open.  The stench hit me square in the face and I thought I was going to pass out.  "Yep, thats the right bag."  What are the odds?  They must have separated that bag from all the others because they probably assumed that there was a dead raccoon in there.  I ran back to my room where I had latex gloves for Anatomy lab.  I slapped them on and ran back to the lone bag.  It was disgusting I must say.  I rooted through everything.  I found the jeans.  I felt the back pocket.  No wallet.  I kept digging.  I then reached the bottom of the bag and there it was, covered in vomit.  I breathed a huge sigh of relief.  I returned to the room where I took all my ID's and credit cards from the wallet.  I then washed it as well as I could have and then set it on the heater to dry.  And so ends what I like to call "The MAA Vomit Saga."  Lets all remember that this kind of stuff happens to everyone and to be polite because its not very nice to make humor out of someone else's misery.

What did I learn?  Well I learned that 1) When things go bad, they really go bad and 2)  When things go bad, at least it makes for a great story.  There would have been no fun in just going to the bar, having a few beers, and going home right?

Til next time
Bhoov

"I had to throw out a pair of jeans"

In order for this next story to be clear, make sure you have read "Calm Before the Storm."

Upon entering the cab, right away we made possibly the worst mistake of the entire night.  MAA and I took the back seat in the SUV, oops.  Before I knew it MAA's head was on my lap and SN was in the seat in front of us, turned around and offering words of encouragement.  "MA, look at me.  Your'e fine.  Everythings fine!"  In my drunken state I was already ticked to say the least by the scene at McFaddens.  I looked at her and said in a smart ass tone, "Shes going to throw up everywhere.  Its okay.  It will go everywhere."  I kind of giggled to myself after that little remark.  As it turns out, I should have signed up for fortune telling.  Before I knew it, hot vomit was cascading onto my lap and down the legs of my jeans.  Too drunk to really be alarmed, I just sort of nodded along.  The stuffy air in the SUV began to reek of whatever MAA had eaten earlier that day.  Other members of our party plugged their noses as their gag reflexes took hold.  The car ride back to campus seemed like the longest ride ever.  There I sat, with a lap full of vomit, and out of nowhere I realized that my bladder was ready to burst.  We pulled into the campus parking lot and DM and PP were having some sort of conversation with the cab driver.  Being in the seat behind them, I was trapped.  From the back seat I began screaming, "Get out of the car!  Get out of the car, now!!  I finally exited the SUV still holding MAA upright.  Not to mention I was on the verge of peeing my vomit covered pants.  The cab driver was obviously pissed.  He was yelling at SN about the mess we left in the back of his cab.  He had a pretty strong argument.

MAA and I began walking, well it was more of me carrying.  So we made our way towards the dorms, but I had to wait until SN caught back up.  Lets all remember I was still about to pee my pants so I did what any man would do.  I found a place to piss.  I looked around frantically and finally found a stairway that went to the cellar doors of the dining hall on campus.  There was a railing beside the steps that acted more like a bike rack for me.  I lead MAA over to the railing and before descending the steps I turned to her and said, "HOLD ONTO THIS, and DON'T MOVE."  When I came back up I had one less problem.

We then walked the rest of the way back to my dorm, where we waited in the lobby for SN.  Looking out the glass doors I saw a little Spanish-Italian girl running faster than humanly possible.  She was Beelining for her and MAA's dorm.  I opened the door and screamed her name.  She turned and came running back to towards us.  We made our hand-off of MAA and she lead her back to their dorm.  I later found out that SN stayed behind because the cab driver made her clean out the cab with a paper towel.  She said she was too drunk to object.

I watched the two of them walk away from Century, and I proceeded to turn around to head upstairs.  Two public safety officers were working the front desk that night.  "Your friend feeling sick?"  I looked at the guy, then down at my vomit covered jeans, and then back up.  "You could say that."  I made it up to my room where I immediately went in the shower with all my clothes on (my jeans, my coat, my hat, my Tims).  I turned on the water and just closed my eyes and started laughing.

Last part of the story coming tomorrow night...Stay posted
Bhoov

The Calm Before the Storm

I decided that the story I'm about to tell is too long to put in one post so I'm going to tell a little bit at a time.

After a long day of classes, a bunch of friends and I decided that stress relief was in order.  The biggest decision of the night was to either to go to "Trads", a dive bar that was within walking distance or McFaddens, a very classy bar which we knew would be "hoppin."  In order to delay this tricky decision we all decided to pregame in my suite for awhile until the choice was made.  SN had her ID so her, MAA, and myself set off for the Liquor store with a list about as long as my right arm.  Jack, Georgie, Sky, Bacardi, Corona, Old English, needless to say we had more ethyl alcohol than an Organic chem supply closet.  The three of us had a successful quest down the snow-shoveled sidewalks of Queens and we were welcomed back to the dorm with open arms.

A few card games got festivities started and about half a bottle of Georgie later we still had not come to a decision about the two bars.  Naturally, at that point, decision making had evaded everyone in the suite so from then on things took a nosedive.

Before I continue, I want everyone to keep saying to themselves, "We have all had bad nights."

McFaddens was the well thought-out conclusion we came to.  When we left the room I noticed two things.  One, none of the girls had coats on and two, MA was looking pretty wobbly.  Lets keep in mind that this was in the middle of winter.  We met the cabs out of gate 6 and off we went, four guys, three girls.

When we arrived at city field I noticed a problem, there was a line halfway around the block.  When we stepped out of the cab another problem hit me, the 3 degree windchill.  Immediately everyone huddled together, coats traded shoulders between guys and gals, and we waited.  MA then gave me a look that I recognized immediately.  I quickly grabbed her and we rushed out of line.

She went to her knees in the snow as I quickly lifted her back up.  We had a sizable audience due to the enormous line waiting to get into the bar.  I could imagine what some were saying to themselves, "How funny would it be if this drunk chick threw up in front of everyone."  On the other hand I'm sure some of the crowd had a more sympathetic way of thinking.  Anyways, I was trying to get MAA to stand up so we would look slightly less stupid in front of these hundreds of people.  Holding MAA up was not an easy task.  I felt like I was some sort of rescue swimmer trying to hall one of the Coast Guard's practice dummies out of the pool.  I finally decided that it was time to call it quits so I motioned to PP that it was time to get a cab back to campus.  As I mentioned earlier it was winter in New York City, which meant that to get to the cab we had to climb over a waist high snow bank.  What a treat this was.  My swimming dummy and I had a difficult time to say the least.  I was trying to push her up the snowbank but whenever I got to a certain point I would lose my footing which sent us falling back down to the bottom.  It took more effort than expected, but I finally managed to get MAA into the cab.

More to come later,
Bhoov

Fight or Flight

As many of you know, my birthday was a couple weeks ago, March 17th.  It was a big occasion.  Not only was it my birthday but it was also the first day of the college basketball tournament and it was obviously St. Patrick's day.  St. Johns was scheduled to play a night game against Gonzaga. For the basketball fans out there, we all know how that worked out.  Given the occasion I decided that I was going to do this day right.  Some of the roommates and I got some Old E 40s (sorry to the relatives out there but lets be honest, you were all in college at one point.  It may have been when the Earth was flat and dinosaurs roamed the planet but you were in college, so lets keep that in mind.  You know how it goes).  So we had our 40s on standby and a few of our small group decided to hold off until the St. johns game, while PP and I started the festivities early.  Upon finishing each of the first two 40s, PP had the great idea that we would set the empty bottles out on the counter so we could take a picture of them later on.  Seemed harmless.  The day couldn't have been going any better.  I was kicked back with my feet up, drinking beer and watching basketball all day.  What a great way to celebrate 20 years of age.  I was about halfway through my second 40 when I began feeling a little drowsy.  I wanted to be energized for the big St. Johns game so MAA(my girlfriend who wasn't mentioned before.  Just to clarify that I wasn't going to nap with any of my roommates) and I went in my room to take a nap.

We both awoke to a pounding on my bedroom door.  Sleep is always a strange thing for me, so when I saw a man dressed like a police officer in the doorway I have to say I wasn't convinced at first.  Then MAA kind of shook me and everything became o so very clear.  My heart began racing, and looking back on the situation, I remember actually looking for a way out.  My eyes, believe it or not, locked on the window.  I was truly in fight or flight.  For a second I fully believed that jumping out the third floor window of Century hall and praying that I would miraculously sprout wings before I hit the ground would be better than whatever consequences were waiting for me at the door to my room.  I turned back to MAA, "Theres nothing we can do," she said in a defeated tone.  Why do they call it fight or flight anyway?  I get the first part but if I took the second literally I would have either been a puddle of Bryan on the concrete below or they would have had to bring in a specialist to dismantle the window to get me unstuck because logically, there is no way a human-being is fitting out that window.  As it was, I gave in.  Everyone filed into the common room and to my relief, the man banging on the door was Public Safety and not the NYPD.  The officer asked us what was going on, so we told him the story.  At about that point another Public Safety guy came through the door and the doorbanger gave him the story.  "Well, I knocked on the door, this young man opened the door, as he pointed at PP.  When I came in, this guy had two 40s in his hands attempting to hide them in the cabinets.  He looked at DM (I like the effort big guy).  These two empty 40s were sitting out on the counter."  I turned slowly to PP as he patted his chest twice as if to say "my bad."  No biggie there.  So the officer continued with his speech to us, "Listen guys, I don't want to have to do a search so if you guys have any other drinks, bring them out now."  PP got up, went in his room, and came out holding another 40.  "Are you sure this is all you guys have?" the officer repeated.  PP got back up, went in his room again, and came out with four more 40s, an empty bottle of Captain, and a half full fifth of Malibu.  I had to bite my lip to stop from laughing.  The officer thanked us for being so compliant and after taking down our names they were both gone.  We laughed the whole thing off, it sounded like we were going to get nothing more than a slap on the wrist at most.

A week later we all got emails saying that we had to meet with some lady about our actions..yada yada.  I met with her, told her what happened and was out in about three minutes.  As it turns out we all have to take three classes and have two one on one meetings.  I personally can't wait.  Hi, my names Bryan, and I'm an alcoholic.

Cheers,
Bhoov



just kidding about that last line...I'm barely a normal college kid let alone an alcoholic.

But I was thrilled when the public safety officer didn't find my Georgie gin hiding in the common-room freezer.