Shaken Not Stirred

This morning I awoke only to find some important school papers stuffed in the trash can, my pillow de-pillowcased, and toilet paper (clean that is) sprawled all over the floor of my room.  I really do need to invest in some kind of motion sensor camera to capture the midnight antics that go on regularly here at the apartment.  Many have voiced their thoughts on how it would make an interesting youtube series, after all people love to see the insane idiosyncrasies of complete strangers.  It may perhaps be a project for the future, given that my subconscious is still up for the task.

Well, after a three day weekend, today was not exactly how I would like to start a week of classes.  Upon sleeping through my alarm, I was in a rush from the start.  Grab a shirt *sniff sniff, smells okay..throw on some deodorant and I was out the door, after getting dressed of course.  Halfway down the block I realize I forgot my phone so I turned around and headed back..in even more of a rush.  I grabbed the phone and ran back to the car, drove about 3/4 of the way to the Bartilucci and realized that I forgot my HHPD outline that was due when class started.  So I spun a Uwey and headed back to the apartment.  Needless to say it was a hectic morning but I made it to class on time.  

During class I did a bit of multi-tasking.  I had words with friends with my sister (which was not a pretty sight, had to throw that in sis), looking up riddles on the new app that I got, studying for the Derm final that is on Friday, and finding perfect times to make great eye contact with the prof lecturing, making sure to give a very studious head nod to let them know they had my full attention. Anyways, tomorrow morning will come much too quickly so I will leave you all with my favorite riddle of the day (the answer is at the bottom of the post):

What famous phrase does this represent?

=James=

Hint: Think chemistry

Answer: "Bond, James Bond"

Cheers,

Bhoov

Bhoov: Could You Imagine

No, your eyes do not deceive.  The blog name has changed once again but I am convinced that this one will be a lengthy marriage.  Now that I have already lost half of you with talks about marriage, I am pleased to say that the blog has re-emerged like a hippo from a mudbath only to throw feces and urine at its fellow hippos.  Yes, this is actually a true fact, one that was long researched in order to provide something other than a reference involving a fiery bird and ashes. 

As some of you know I am currently in PA school at St. John's University.  I managed to proceed to this point of my academic career by way of procrastination and long nights of Netflix.  No need to be alarmed, upon starting my didactic year I have changed my ways, which isn't nearly as much fun but I would like to graduate at some point. 

Anyways, make sure and check in every so often to see new stories or whatever it is that I may post.  I will usually announce when a new post is up via facebook.  Feel free to leave comments, good or bad.  As previews viewers know that comments can precipitate great stories.  Thats it for now.

Til next time,
Bhoov

Pretty Lady

Today was the one on one counselor meeting for my alcoholic problems.  I know, its better that I'm beginning to accept it.  Anyways, I needed to borrow MA's St. John's laptop because mine is currently out of commission.  When I entered the counseling center I wanted to start with something classic, "Sorry I'm late.  I had to borrow my friend's computer because I destroyed mine in a drunken rage last night."  What really came out was, "Hi, my names Bryan Hoover.  I have a BASICS meeting."  The secretary looked at me and smiled, "What was your last name again? Hooper?"  "No, Hoover.  H-O-O-V-E-R."  She typed on her computer keyboard for a few seconds or so and looked from her screen to me, "It says here your appointment is for 2:30."  I looked down at the clock on my phone, 10:30, great.  She smiled again at me, "We'll see you a little later."  I walked out and went back to the room to sleep.

When I returned a few hours later I felt like I looked the part.  I had my glasses on, hair was all over the place, not sure what was going on with my outfit, I didn't have socks on.  "Yes, this is much better," I thought.  Now I just need a better story.  "Sorry I'm late.  I had to borrow my friends computer because mine got too close to the flame while I was cooking my meth."  Golden.  "Hi, I'm back again."  The secretary looked at me puzzled for a second.  "Bryan Hooper."  "O yes now I remember.  I'm terrible with faces."  "Yeah, you're also terrible with names," I thought.  She then had me fill out some surveys.  When I finished, she notified me that the counselors were in a meeting and that I should have a seat in the waiting area.

Not long after, the door to the one office opened and a bunch of counselor-looking folk filed out.  It looked as though two of them were eyeing the waiting area like they were the main people.  One of them was a guy.  He was about 6 foot.  Yeah, great description but I don't really know much else about him.  The second was a woman who looked to be about upper 20s early 30s.  She had dirty blonde hair and wore grey leggins with a green sweater.  She was a looker I must say.  I sound like I'm 80 when I use the word "looker" but its either that or sound like I'm 13 and use "pretty lady" instead.  Anyways, they both kept looking over at me.  I was trying to think of a way to get the lady to call me.  In my head I was thinking, "Maybe if I bare my teeth at the guy when he looks in, he'll be afraid, and if I smile at the pretty lady, she will want to counsel me."  If anyone is wondering I was picturing this in my head:

While having this deep thought process, and just before executing my plan, out of nowhere this other girl just swooped in and called my name.  Damn, o well, the plan was probably a bad idea anyway.  

So I go in this girl's office and she introduces herself.  When she said her name I was thinking, "You look more like an Erika."  I don't remember her actual name so I will call her Erika.  She started off with asking me some questions about school and family.  "What program are you in?" "Where are you from?"  "Do you have siblings?"  Then she got into some deeper questions, "Does drinking affect your everyday life?"  "Do you need a drink to get going in the morning?"  I answered all the questions as best I could.  "Does anyone in your family have drinking problems?"  I thought to myself, "Now that you mention it my sisters...stop it Bryan, not the time to crack jokes."  I looked up at her, "No, no problems."  She nodded and said that it was good that I have a strong relationship with my family members.  She then prepared me for the next set of questions, "Now I know these may sound weird, but I ask everyone I counsel these questions."  

Erika: Do you ever have the feeling that someone is following you or out to get you?

Me: No

Erika: Okay, good. Do you ever hear voices that aren't really there?

Me thinking: Do I look like a Schizophrenic? 

Me: No

Erika:  Do you ever see things that aren't actually there?

Me:  No, well I guess as much as the next person.

Okay, after I said this I gave a laugh like I was joking, I obviously was.  Erika did not crack a smile.  She just jotted something into her notebook.  "O shit" I thought.  She thinks I'm crazy now.  I tried to correct myself but I'm not sure how much it swayed her.

She finished up asking questions, had me sign a form and sent me on my way.  The alcohol fiasco has finally come to a close.  Although I'm half expecting a call from St. Johns psychiatric center.

Til Next time,

Bhoov

New Photos 4/26

It Could Be Worse

I feel like everyone complains way too much, myself included.  Because of this, I have decided to make a list of bad things that happen to people, followed by worse case scenarios.

1)  You trip over the rug in your house and spill wine on the carpet.

Worse Case:  You trip over a dead body and spill semen everywhere while on your way to the sperm bank

2)  Your teacher gives you back a test and there is an F at the top.

Worse Case:  The teacher gives you your test back and there is a note stuck to the back of it:  "Dear (Insert your mom's name here)."  You later find out they are having an affair.

3)  You get a flat tire and need to pull over to the side of the road.

Worse Case:  Your ex-girlfriend cut your breaks and the Earth's crust is melting.

4)  Your phone dies on vacation and you left your charger at home.

Worse Case:  Your phone dies on vacation and you left your charger at home.

5)  Your roommate smokes weed in your room.

Worse Case:  Your roommate uses you as a mule for cocaine to get past customs at the airport.

6)  You cut yourself while shaving.

Worse Case:  You cut your head off while jousting.

7)  You don't get a part in the school play.

Worse Case:  You get casted in one of Nicholas Cage's movies.

8)  You get a parking ticket.

Worse Case:  You find out your car is gone and has been replaced with a 1971 Ford Pinto.

9)  Your baby won't stop crying.

Worse Case:  Your baby is a different race than both you and your wife of 10 years.

10)  You have the stomach flu.

Worse Case:  You don't have a stomach.

11)  Your boyfriend breaks up with you.

Worse Case:  Your boyfriend photoshops a penis onto you in the naked pic you sent him and sends it to every one of his phone contacts and facebook friends.

12)  Your dog died.

Worse Case:  You're the last person alive and you have to strangle your dog because he has the virus.

13)  Your favorite sweater shrinks in the dryer.

Worse Case:  You fall down a rabbit hole.

14)  You stepped in dog poop.

Worse Case:  Your dog pooped in your shoe.




Til next time,
Bhoov

Hot

After a few hours of studying, I finally felt like I knew my Autonomic Nervous System and Visual tracts as if they were part of my own body, hehe.  I packed up all on my things and headed off for the classroom at St. John's Hall.  When I walked into the old room I found a seat and a few minutes later I received my test. A little bit into the test I realized one, it was very hot in the room, and two, someone had some serious BO going on.  I soon found the source.  One of the proctors for the test was making his rounds and I was in his main path.  From there on out it was extremely hard to concentrate.  Whenever I saw the proctor coming I would take a deep breath and hold it in until I felt it was safe to breath again.

The good news is that I thought the test was fairly simple so I expect a decent grade back.

Make sure and vote on the new blog name.

Til next time,
Bhoov

New Name

Hey guys, I'm thinking about changing the name of the blog.  On the left-hand sidebar I have a poll going on where you can vote on one of the names provided.  Voting will end April 21 at 8:05.  I know its a random time but thats the one that they gave me. By the way, if you want to view the results you have to use the little scroll bar that is under the poll.  Its cut off for some reason.

Thanks
Bhoov

AA

I awoke in my bed to the sound of my roommate's voice.  "You coming big guy?" I looked at my phone to see what time it was and then realized I had my AA meeting in a few minutes.  I crawled out of bed, got dressed, and left the room with DM and PP.  We arrived at the old classroom in St. Johns Hall where we all took seats and waited for the counselor to arrive.  While waiting, a few other students filed into the room and took their seats.  At about 1:33 a young guy wearing a shirt and tie walked into the room.  He introduced himself and proceeded to explain how he was a grad student studying psychology.  Eric, as he said his name was, asked each of the students in the room to introduce themselves and to explain what kind of trouble they had gotten into.  From that moment on I knew that we were all in good company.

The first guy called upon introduced himself and began telling his story.  "Well, I was in my room smoking [weed I presume] and apparently someone else was smoking down the hall.  It was there sh** that was smelling up the hallway because they had a blunt but I didn't.  Public Safety thought it was coming from my room so they came in and I got caught.  I had to pay a $300 fine because I hung a hat over the smoke detector."  This was exactly the kind of story that I had been looking forward to all week.  Eric looked at him with a smile on his face, "Well what did you learn."  The kid glanced back at him, "Don't smoke in the room I guess."

Eric then moved on to a girl sitting beside the smoker.  She introduced herself and started with her story, "Well, I was walking past public safety to get back onto campus and I dropped my phone.  When I went to pick it up I kind of stumbled a little bit.  I was in heels so its understandable."  Sitting there I was picturing this girl dropping her phone and then just completely face-planting when she went to pick it up.  I felt like everyone there under exaggerated their stories, but who could blame them.

Next, was my personal favorite.  A kid in the back of the room started up, "I was walking back onto campus and my shirt was a little messed up so the public safety officers stopped me."  Eric stopped him right away and asked the details of what "messed up" really meant.  "Well, apparently there was dirt and blood on my shirt.  They asked me what happened but I couldn't remember so they sent me to the hospital."  Dirt and blood!?  The entire time sitting in that classroom I kept thinking to myself, "How are we getting the same punishment as these people?"  It didn't make any sense.  

After everyone finished with their stories Eric let everyone out.  The entire thing took about 15 minutes.  What a joke.  It was very entertaining though I must say.

Stay classy,
Bhoov

New Photos

Just decided to add some more pictures:

Something Off My Chest

Growing up I became acquainted with a variety of people.  Being from a small town, there were quite a few genuine people.  I've also encountered my share of not so genuine people.  As we all know high school is full of rumors and whatnot but I felt like I was always a main target for this kind of petty bullshit (pardon my french).  Looking back on everything, I'm okay with whatever was said just for the sheer fact that I know what these people have to look forward to.  Whoever reads this will know if they are part of this category or not.  I've heard this type called townees so this is the term I will use.

I will always be able to smile because when its all said and done, you will be the 28 year old who never got out of Lycoming County. You will probably work at the local Hughesville diner and when its time to get off work on a Friday night, you'll meet all of your townee friends at the Hughesville football game where conversations will revolve around how you were all the shit back in high school.  Thats how everything will go.  Life will be nothing more than an extension of high school.

A couple of rumors doesn't seem so bad in the grand scheme of things.

Cheers,
Bhoov

Dumpster Diving

This is the third and final piece of the story.  Make sure to read the previous two blogs before this one.

After rinsing off in the shower, I stripped off my pants and headed out to the common room where I threw them in the trash can.  I returned to the bathroom but then realized I was missing my phone.  I ran back out to the common room to find PP heading out the door to take out the trash.  I stopped him and carefully reached into the front pocket of the biohazard jeans, there it was.  I pulled out the blackberry, "Well that was close."

I finished cleaning up and joined my suitemates in the common room.  My punchline of the night was the title of the previous blog, "I had to throw out a pair of jeans."  I laughed out loud each time I repeated it.  What a wild night.  I was heading to bed when PP stopped me, "Maybe we should have just went to Trads."  I laughed, nodded, and went in my room.  After a night like that, I was out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

The next morning I awoke.  It felt like there was a bowling ball attached to my face that was accompanied by a slight head ache.  I sat up, looked at my phone, and then realized that I could not find my wallet.  I looked everywhere around the room.  Then the thought hit me, "The jeans!"  I opened the door to our room and sprinted to the trash room, fresh bags, no trash.  "Shit."  On my way back to the room I saw that there was one single trash bag sitting by itself against the one wall of the hallway.  It was one of those, "Could it be?" moments.  I knelt down beside the back and then ripped the bag open.  The stench hit me square in the face and I thought I was going to pass out.  "Yep, thats the right bag."  What are the odds?  They must have separated that bag from all the others because they probably assumed that there was a dead raccoon in there.  I ran back to my room where I had latex gloves for Anatomy lab.  I slapped them on and ran back to the lone bag.  It was disgusting I must say.  I rooted through everything.  I found the jeans.  I felt the back pocket.  No wallet.  I kept digging.  I then reached the bottom of the bag and there it was, covered in vomit.  I breathed a huge sigh of relief.  I returned to the room where I took all my ID's and credit cards from the wallet.  I then washed it as well as I could have and then set it on the heater to dry.  And so ends what I like to call "The MAA Vomit Saga."  Lets all remember that this kind of stuff happens to everyone and to be polite because its not very nice to make humor out of someone else's misery.

What did I learn?  Well I learned that 1) When things go bad, they really go bad and 2)  When things go bad, at least it makes for a great story.  There would have been no fun in just going to the bar, having a few beers, and going home right?

Til next time
Bhoov

"I had to throw out a pair of jeans"

In order for this next story to be clear, make sure you have read "Calm Before the Storm."

Upon entering the cab, right away we made possibly the worst mistake of the entire night.  MAA and I took the back seat in the SUV, oops.  Before I knew it MAA's head was on my lap and SN was in the seat in front of us, turned around and offering words of encouragement.  "MA, look at me.  Your'e fine.  Everythings fine!"  In my drunken state I was already ticked to say the least by the scene at McFaddens.  I looked at her and said in a smart ass tone, "Shes going to throw up everywhere.  Its okay.  It will go everywhere."  I kind of giggled to myself after that little remark.  As it turns out, I should have signed up for fortune telling.  Before I knew it, hot vomit was cascading onto my lap and down the legs of my jeans.  Too drunk to really be alarmed, I just sort of nodded along.  The stuffy air in the SUV began to reek of whatever MAA had eaten earlier that day.  Other members of our party plugged their noses as their gag reflexes took hold.  The car ride back to campus seemed like the longest ride ever.  There I sat, with a lap full of vomit, and out of nowhere I realized that my bladder was ready to burst.  We pulled into the campus parking lot and DM and PP were having some sort of conversation with the cab driver.  Being in the seat behind them, I was trapped.  From the back seat I began screaming, "Get out of the car!  Get out of the car, now!!  I finally exited the SUV still holding MAA upright.  Not to mention I was on the verge of peeing my vomit covered pants.  The cab driver was obviously pissed.  He was yelling at SN about the mess we left in the back of his cab.  He had a pretty strong argument.

MAA and I began walking, well it was more of me carrying.  So we made our way towards the dorms, but I had to wait until SN caught back up.  Lets all remember I was still about to pee my pants so I did what any man would do.  I found a place to piss.  I looked around frantically and finally found a stairway that went to the cellar doors of the dining hall on campus.  There was a railing beside the steps that acted more like a bike rack for me.  I lead MAA over to the railing and before descending the steps I turned to her and said, "HOLD ONTO THIS, and DON'T MOVE."  When I came back up I had one less problem.

We then walked the rest of the way back to my dorm, where we waited in the lobby for SN.  Looking out the glass doors I saw a little Spanish-Italian girl running faster than humanly possible.  She was Beelining for her and MAA's dorm.  I opened the door and screamed her name.  She turned and came running back to towards us.  We made our hand-off of MAA and she lead her back to their dorm.  I later found out that SN stayed behind because the cab driver made her clean out the cab with a paper towel.  She said she was too drunk to object.

I watched the two of them walk away from Century, and I proceeded to turn around to head upstairs.  Two public safety officers were working the front desk that night.  "Your friend feeling sick?"  I looked at the guy, then down at my vomit covered jeans, and then back up.  "You could say that."  I made it up to my room where I immediately went in the shower with all my clothes on (my jeans, my coat, my hat, my Tims).  I turned on the water and just closed my eyes and started laughing.

Last part of the story coming tomorrow night...Stay posted
Bhoov

The Calm Before the Storm

I decided that the story I'm about to tell is too long to put in one post so I'm going to tell a little bit at a time.

After a long day of classes, a bunch of friends and I decided that stress relief was in order.  The biggest decision of the night was to either to go to "Trads", a dive bar that was within walking distance or McFaddens, a very classy bar which we knew would be "hoppin."  In order to delay this tricky decision we all decided to pregame in my suite for awhile until the choice was made.  SN had her ID so her, MAA, and myself set off for the Liquor store with a list about as long as my right arm.  Jack, Georgie, Sky, Bacardi, Corona, Old English, needless to say we had more ethyl alcohol than an Organic chem supply closet.  The three of us had a successful quest down the snow-shoveled sidewalks of Queens and we were welcomed back to the dorm with open arms.

A few card games got festivities started and about half a bottle of Georgie later we still had not come to a decision about the two bars.  Naturally, at that point, decision making had evaded everyone in the suite so from then on things took a nosedive.

Before I continue, I want everyone to keep saying to themselves, "We have all had bad nights."

McFaddens was the well thought-out conclusion we came to.  When we left the room I noticed two things.  One, none of the girls had coats on and two, MA was looking pretty wobbly.  Lets keep in mind that this was in the middle of winter.  We met the cabs out of gate 6 and off we went, four guys, three girls.

When we arrived at city field I noticed a problem, there was a line halfway around the block.  When we stepped out of the cab another problem hit me, the 3 degree windchill.  Immediately everyone huddled together, coats traded shoulders between guys and gals, and we waited.  MA then gave me a look that I recognized immediately.  I quickly grabbed her and we rushed out of line.

She went to her knees in the snow as I quickly lifted her back up.  We had a sizable audience due to the enormous line waiting to get into the bar.  I could imagine what some were saying to themselves, "How funny would it be if this drunk chick threw up in front of everyone."  On the other hand I'm sure some of the crowd had a more sympathetic way of thinking.  Anyways, I was trying to get MAA to stand up so we would look slightly less stupid in front of these hundreds of people.  Holding MAA up was not an easy task.  I felt like I was some sort of rescue swimmer trying to hall one of the Coast Guard's practice dummies out of the pool.  I finally decided that it was time to call it quits so I motioned to PP that it was time to get a cab back to campus.  As I mentioned earlier it was winter in New York City, which meant that to get to the cab we had to climb over a waist high snow bank.  What a treat this was.  My swimming dummy and I had a difficult time to say the least.  I was trying to push her up the snowbank but whenever I got to a certain point I would lose my footing which sent us falling back down to the bottom.  It took more effort than expected, but I finally managed to get MAA into the cab.

More to come later,
Bhoov

Fight or Flight

As many of you know, my birthday was a couple weeks ago, March 17th.  It was a big occasion.  Not only was it my birthday but it was also the first day of the college basketball tournament and it was obviously St. Patrick's day.  St. Johns was scheduled to play a night game against Gonzaga. For the basketball fans out there, we all know how that worked out.  Given the occasion I decided that I was going to do this day right.  Some of the roommates and I got some Old E 40s (sorry to the relatives out there but lets be honest, you were all in college at one point.  It may have been when the Earth was flat and dinosaurs roamed the planet but you were in college, so lets keep that in mind.  You know how it goes).  So we had our 40s on standby and a few of our small group decided to hold off until the St. johns game, while PP and I started the festivities early.  Upon finishing each of the first two 40s, PP had the great idea that we would set the empty bottles out on the counter so we could take a picture of them later on.  Seemed harmless.  The day couldn't have been going any better.  I was kicked back with my feet up, drinking beer and watching basketball all day.  What a great way to celebrate 20 years of age.  I was about halfway through my second 40 when I began feeling a little drowsy.  I wanted to be energized for the big St. Johns game so MAA(my girlfriend who wasn't mentioned before.  Just to clarify that I wasn't going to nap with any of my roommates) and I went in my room to take a nap.

We both awoke to a pounding on my bedroom door.  Sleep is always a strange thing for me, so when I saw a man dressed like a police officer in the doorway I have to say I wasn't convinced at first.  Then MAA kind of shook me and everything became o so very clear.  My heart began racing, and looking back on the situation, I remember actually looking for a way out.  My eyes, believe it or not, locked on the window.  I was truly in fight or flight.  For a second I fully believed that jumping out the third floor window of Century hall and praying that I would miraculously sprout wings before I hit the ground would be better than whatever consequences were waiting for me at the door to my room.  I turned back to MAA, "Theres nothing we can do," she said in a defeated tone.  Why do they call it fight or flight anyway?  I get the first part but if I took the second literally I would have either been a puddle of Bryan on the concrete below or they would have had to bring in a specialist to dismantle the window to get me unstuck because logically, there is no way a human-being is fitting out that window.  As it was, I gave in.  Everyone filed into the common room and to my relief, the man banging on the door was Public Safety and not the NYPD.  The officer asked us what was going on, so we told him the story.  At about that point another Public Safety guy came through the door and the doorbanger gave him the story.  "Well, I knocked on the door, this young man opened the door, as he pointed at PP.  When I came in, this guy had two 40s in his hands attempting to hide them in the cabinets.  He looked at DM (I like the effort big guy).  These two empty 40s were sitting out on the counter."  I turned slowly to PP as he patted his chest twice as if to say "my bad."  No biggie there.  So the officer continued with his speech to us, "Listen guys, I don't want to have to do a search so if you guys have any other drinks, bring them out now."  PP got up, went in his room, and came out holding another 40.  "Are you sure this is all you guys have?" the officer repeated.  PP got back up, went in his room again, and came out with four more 40s, an empty bottle of Captain, and a half full fifth of Malibu.  I had to bite my lip to stop from laughing.  The officer thanked us for being so compliant and after taking down our names they were both gone.  We laughed the whole thing off, it sounded like we were going to get nothing more than a slap on the wrist at most.

A week later we all got emails saying that we had to meet with some lady about our actions..yada yada.  I met with her, told her what happened and was out in about three minutes.  As it turns out we all have to take three classes and have two one on one meetings.  I personally can't wait.  Hi, my names Bryan, and I'm an alcoholic.

Cheers,
Bhoov



just kidding about that last line...I'm barely a normal college kid let alone an alcoholic.

But I was thrilled when the public safety officer didn't find my Georgie gin hiding in the common-room freezer.